Truth, Witchcraft and Mannequin Heads

Wow, I've been updating a lot. There's just so much going on!! This might be a long one folks. Get cozy.

And the brain spillage begins….

 Today we went back to the school we went to yesterday and did a focus group discussion. In the room were 10 Xhosa (and English) speaking teenage males, my new friend/elite/co-worker Masixole (also male), and myself. We were doing a discussion on how HIV is affecting the students, what the school is doing in terms of HIV education, and what they as students want to see done.

Let me start with some truths:

 For a while I kind of thought I was cool for teaching sex education in Tanzania.

However, this does NOT make me cool.

Granted, that was such a powerful experience and I’ve talked to a number of my family members and friends about it and how it deeply impacted my life. This truth is not to undermine that experience or strip anything away from it.

I guess I’ll try to explain it like this: I think I’ve come to a point where my younger self from just a year ago feels SO YOUNG. Tanzania was such a great exposure to my own naivety; which some of you know I’m addicted to. I am feeling that same exposure now in a different way and also realizing how young I was in Tanzania. When I got home from that experience, it’s all I thought/talked about. I talked to lots of people about what I did. Now, I feel like shutting up. Now, I am in South Africa, slightly less naïve, a little more realistic but just as driven.

Today I realized to the fullest extent than I can at this particular moment that there is so much more to be done, and so many people that do this kind of educating every day without batting an eye or a skipping a heart-beat. This hit me because today, I had pretty much the exact same talk with this group of young men that I had back in Tanzania with a group of young women. Today, when asked these young men what they would do if they found out they were infected with HIV and had to tell their girlfriend, one young boy said with a laugh that he would not tell her, have sex with her anyway, then kick her out. FLASHBACK to the Tanz. When these girls were asked what they would do if they really wanted to have sex and did not have a condom, they all said with a laugh that they would do it anyway. I was hit in the heart both times. My reaction was stronger the first time. I punched my fist on the table and yelled NO. Today, I was internally OUTRAGED but tried not to let it show too much. Instead I put my gameface on as best I could and told him with my best Dot Houlditch scary voice (love you, Mom) that there would be nothing worse than that, and I hope that if I can change his mind about ANYTHING it would be that exact statement. He seemed to listen. I hope he did.

 This does not make me cool.

 Anyway. This whole difference-making kick we’re all on. Sheesh. What a crazy thing. On a level I hope I do, but today was just a truthful all-encompassing realization that WHO CARES. This is not a frustrating realization, just an honest one, and one that will make me shut my mouth until I feel I have actually contributed an amount worth talking about. But who decides that? Dot Houlditch or Nelson Mandela? Thus, for me as an individual here in SA that means what I hope for with this internship is the opportunity to talk to youth one by one. Trying to dig deep, deep, deep in their minds to the deep-seeded and often false assumptions about HIV/AIDS. However, sometimes this is complicated with beliefs such as witchcraft. Who the hell am I as some white chick from America to tell these South Africans that what they believe spiritually is wrong? I tried to explain today that you can only get HIV in certain ways and that it is found only in 4 bodily fluids (which they did not know). Then they told me that a witch doctor can infect you by waving at you. I said this was incorrect and was met with a bunch of “NO! IT’S REAL!” and looks that screamed “you dumb white girl.” It is this kind of cultural difference that I don’t feel just in trying to expel. I can only tell them what I know.

I did gather this- they WANT an HIV counselor at their school. If there were a forum about HIV, they would go. They want to do a play about it. They want to know more. They want condoms accessible at school because they have sex at school anyway. They want to be informed. And now it is Molo Songololo’s mission to try and mobilize a way for all of this to be possible.

 BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 ……On a final note, everyday on my way to the gym I pass by a house that has a trash bag full of bald mannequin heads on it’s porch. WTF, SAFRICA.

That’s it.

lovekaitlin