My Nemesis

Picture this:

8:30 on an overcast Sunday morning. I’m running by myself in the Lilongwe Golf Course, a sprawling collection of vacant, green fields. The air is cool and dry. Inhale, exhale. Whew. Peace. Yeah. Get that run Kaitlin, get it.

Now, other than something coming up to bother me, what is the ONE THING that could ruin this moment??

A G.D. M.F. P.O.S.

 VUVUZELA

(props if you decoded all that)

Somebody, somewhere close to the field, somehow thought it was a good time to waste their breath blowing into one of these pieces of plastic shit. I didn’t stop my run but I did think out loud, “WHAT THE HELL COULD YOU BE VUVUZELA-ING ABOUT ON A SUNDAY MORNING AT 8:30?!?!!? ARE THEY ALLOWED IN CHURCH NOW?!?!”

Anyone.

Who has ever.

Blown one of these things.

Should.

Go.

To.

Hell.

*First of all, do you think anyone wants to be your friend if you blow a vuvuzela? ANSWER = NO.

*Second of all, do you think you are accomplishing anything?

ANSWER = NO.

*Third of all, DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING YOU ARE?!!

ANSWER = If yes- then stop it. If no, then get a clue.

Now, I know, I know, it’s a symbol of South Africa and uniquely South African and all that BS. Whatever. Truth is I think it totally detracts from the games. AND FROM MY LIFE. Hmm, what sound do you associate with football/soccer- the roar of a crowd or THE ROAR OF YELLOW JACKETS. COME ON FIFA. What the hell. I can’t imagine being a player and not hearing the crowd cheer for you. What a powerful sound!! And look what it’s been replaced with!!

They are all over Lilongwe. Everywhere. Sunday morning wasn’t the only time I had heard one at an obscure time. The other day there was not a game on, it was 2 in the afternoon, and I was in a residential neighborhood. And I heard one. What are you doing?!?!!?!?

Though my deep, true hate for the vuvuzela is as real as it could ever be, it does not stop me from going to see the games. It has been incredibly fun to be in Malawi during the World Cup. Everyone has World Cup Fever. Want to start a conversation with pretty much anyone? Talk to them about football! Ghana’s loss was felt deeply here; the whole mood of the city went down. However, people are still watching and I am so excited for the finals!

Just keep your DAMN vuvuzelas away from me.