My trip to the "doctor"

OH. MY. LORD.

I just got back from my first and hopefully only trip to the “doctor”. I use that term loosely because there is NO WAY the guy that I saw went to med school. Let me explain.

So, 2 nights ago I woke up at 2:15 and proceeded to shit water and throw up for the next 2 and a half hours. Finally drifted off to sleep, but the entire next day I was nauseous and still shitting every 15 minutes or so. Great. By the end of the day though, I was feeling better and decided it would be ok to eat a light dinner, so I did. I felt pretty good when I went to bed, but low and behold at 3:15 I woke up and proceeded to shit water for the next 2 and a half hours. Not cool. I could hear my stomach churning, I could feel things moving…. Not good.

            Decided when I woke up this morning that this was enough, it was time to go to the doctor. The clinic that we had been recommended was about 15 minutes away and is where a lot of the expats go. When Andrew and I roll up, we are really pleased with the look of the place- looks great! So, I poop in a cup and send it off to the lab and wait to see the doctor.

            About 10 minutes later, this white guy comes around the corner with a blond, spiky crew cut and a black and white tie-died GodSmack t-shirt on. I don’t think anything of it. Then I notice scrub pants and a stethoscope. Then he calls my name. “Oh, this is the doctor?” I think. Hmm. Yeah. That’s what he CLAIMS TO BE.

Homeboy proceeds to take me into Exam room 1, where I tell him my symptoms. He tells me that the lab results don’t show giardia (what I was afraid of) but that it’s some kind of bacteria. THEN HE SAYS, in all seriousness:

“You know what I bet it is? Cholera. Yeah, that’s it. You’ve got cholera.”

Of course I thought he was joking. I mean, I feel pretty bad but I’m not like, dying. SO THEN he says,

“Or wait, maybe it’s dysentery. Wait, let me look….”

And he proceeds to whip out this little Palm-Pilot looking thing and tinks around on it for like 5 damn minutes, looking really perplexed. Then he says, “Yeah, you should take Cipro.”(which is what I’ll do). I told him that I already had some, so no need to write me a prescription. THEN he continues to look at his little PalmPilot thing and discovers that, for cholera, Doxycycline is better:

“See here? Doxy….. *struggles to pronounce* cycline.”

THEN he says with a laugh, in reference to his little PalmPilot,

“I mean, this little thing is kind of like a medical genius. It’s pretty much always right.”

Hahahha NOT FUNNY DIPSHIT.

I then ask him, “How long are you here?”

“Oh, just a few weeks.”

(Hmmm. That’s comforting)

 Then I ask, “Where did you go to school?”

He responds with, “Alabama.”

OH REALLY?!? You passed 10^th grade? That’s great, Skipper. Now tell me what the HELL you are doing in Malawi giving medical advice to people.

….I didn’t actually say that out loud. But I did think it. And smile at him, trying to remember every detail of our fun little exchange so I could tell Andrew about it in the car. Oh, it gets better. Skipper proceeds to tell me that I should take Cipro and Doxycycline AT THE SAME TIME.

When I said, “Actually, I don’t think that would be a good idea. It’s not good to mix antibiotics. I’ll stick with one.”

....he replied with, as if he has just had a major epiphany, “Yeah, maybe that’d be a good idea….”

Then I told him that I would like a prescription for Diflucan, as there is a chance that I will get a yeast infection because of the Cipro. Yet again, Skipper has his lightbulb moment and says, slowly, “Oh yeah, I’m glad you reminded me of that. I always forget about that. Good idea. Oh, are you pregnant?”

WHAT?!?! Wow. Wow wow wow. #1 NO #2 What does that have to do with diarrhea?! Or yeast infections?! Do I look pregnant to you? Or does it look like I’ve been SHITTING FOR 2 DAYS STRAIGHT.

Right before we were about to head across the hall to the pharmacy, he says, “Let me just do this real quick,” and whips out his stethoscope and proceeds to put it ON TOP of my swishy-material athletic jacket. And tells me to breathe. I am guessing he saw this once on ER and thought it might be a good idea. He probably felt real smart.

Anyways. On to the pharmacy, where I get 3 Diflucan for approximately 60 cents. NICE. Best part of the day.

Then I ask him, kind of just for fun to see what he would say, “Well, if the Cipro doesn’t work, how many Doxy should I take?”

He looks down at the ground, slightly puzzled, as if someone has just asked him to do an advanced calculus problem in his brain, and says, “Yeah, just take 3.”

 ………. To which I say, “3 over the course of one day, one pill a day for 3 days………”

And my Alabaman Genius replies with, “Oh, just take 3 at one time. And if that doesn’t work, then take 2 every 3 days.”

WHAT?!??!?!?!

So, I went up to the front, very begrudgingly paid the $25 for the “doctor’s visit”, and got the hell out of there.

So, this goes along with something I wrote about in my last post:

IF YOU DON’T HAVE A SPECIFIC SKILL THEN DON’T JUST THINK YOU CAN VOLUNTEER ANYWHERE!!! ESPECIALLY AT A DAMN CLINIC!!!

I can’t even imagine what the hell he thinks he is doing. I didn’t pry. I’m not going to. I just hope he goes back home and goes to school and stops pretending to be a doctor. Quit embarrassing yourself and quite wasting my time and money, Scooter. Just quit. I’m gonna go take my Cipro now. 

Time

Some of you know this little tradition I have where, on the last day of a month, I come up with one adjective to describe that month. I’ve found it a great way to reflect and have closure. My adjective for July was blurry, mainly because July felt incredibly fast. Time has seemed to just slip through my fingers like sand. We woke up homeless on July 1^st and now here we are, almost 5 weeks later, enjoying our final week of house-sitting in this beautiful home close to the center of town. Looking back, I tried to determine a concise way to explain how I spent my time. Usually I do this by assessing what I have done, what I have accomplished. So, what have I done? What have I accomplished?

Those are questions that I have been pondering both the meaning of and the answers to lately. This year I have been grappling with the notion of making the “most” out of time. For someone who is slightly obsessed with time like myself, the idea of making the “most” out of it can feel very daunting. I feel like this phrase gets thrown around haphazardly sometimes, which has forced me to think about it lately. This is why:

Upon my return to Malawi, my top goal (I wrote this down) was to “make the most of my time.” I had a loose definition in my head of what that meant; taking advantage of every opportunity, focus on something, help someone, move quickly, be efficient, etc. Well, I tried that. I feel like I have been trying that since I got to Malawi, and it has never really felt right, something has never really clicked. I have put so much pressure on myself to DO something, to have a concrete product, to have something to show and be proud of at the end of it all.

The truth is, this project is Andrew’s project; always has been, always will be. I am an assistant, and I thought I would be more ok with that than I have been. I guess it’s just a facet of my personality, but it is just not in my nature to not have my own thing. Don’t get me wrong- I am incredibly grateful to have been here for this process and I have learned so much from working on this project- about Malawi, about HIV/AIDS, about Andrew, about relationships, about myself. And the most important thing I have learned about myself (more like hit-me-in-the-gut kind of realization) is that:

WOAH KAITLIN YOU NEED SOMETHING THAT IS 100% YOU.

 I am not ashamed to say this. I do not consider myself “The Girlfriend That Just Tagged Along.” Hell no. I know that I have contributed to the growth of this project and I do not regret coming here at all.  How could I turn down the offer to live with my #1 Love in a foreign land doing a music project? So many of my passions rolled into one. Only a fool would have said no.

These past few months have been a MASSIVE learning experience for me, as well Andrew and for Grace. God bless Grace, who has talked with me for hours and really helped me wipe out the cobwebs and weed out the bullshit in my brain and take the time to think about what I, Kaitlin, really need to do. I have also talked about this a lot with Andrew, who has been so encouraging and understanding and has helped me see the value and necessity in “going back to the drawing board” in terms of figuring out what I want, as scary as that may be. I have been clinging to the notion of having this whole album being my life too for so long, and while it is a huge part of my life and while I am happy to be a supporting member of this team and a supportive special friend to Andrew, I gotta have my own thing!

So, why haven’t I just gone out and found that? Why haven’t I just started a women’s group or volunteered somewhere? It’s easy to say, “Oh, just go volunteer somewhere! You’re in Africa!” But being here this year has really made me think about the implications of things like that, and who’s fulfillment would I really be seeking- the people I would be “benefiting”, or my own?? The realities of the situation:

*I don’t speak Chichewa

*I am here for a pretty short amount of time

*If Andrew ever needed the car, he would of course take precedence because it is his car and we are here because of him! Making transportation problematic…

*As for specific skills, I know how to teach gymnastics, and I already do that once a week for little expat kids (for payment- gotta pay for groceries) and if I were to go to an orphanage to teach I feel like it would be a vain attempt to reclaim my glory days in Tanzania- which I don’t want 

*Call me cynical, but a lot of places I would volunteer would probably care more about the fact that I am white and have money than the fact that I can “do” things.

I am aware that these could just be viewed as just excuses. That is fine if that is how you view them. But for me, all of these realities combined just left me thinking:

Just because I’m in Africa does not mean that I have “so much to offer.”

To me, this is the thing about volunteering here: unless you have a specific skill, you really won’t be doing much. Grace has her own niche because Grace possesses very specific and very useful skills at the maternity ward. Andrew has his own niche because has a specific project and specific skills and this is the place for him to do/utilize those. A friend of ours is in veterinary school in Canada and is here working with cattle in rural areas- specific!  As for me, my “skills” may not be best utilized in a village, which has been a hard pill to swallow. I’ve had to realize that at this particular moment in my life, they may be best used here in our house; being patient and being a listening ear and a helping hand and what-have-you. Now, I’m NOT becoming a little housewife. No no no. What I am becoming is changed…. in this sense:

I have been forced to define what the “most” of time is, or what it means to accomplish something. So, during my honest assessment of what I have been doing/accomplishing the past few weeks, here is the truth:

Reading

Taking lots of photos

Laying in the sunshine in our backyard

Going on lots of runs and doing yoga

Eating very healthily

Cooking a lot, learning new recipes from Grace

Learning about birth from Grace and from her books

Laughing a lot with Andrew and Grace

Playing Bananagrams and card games

Finding a place to live in Carrboro via internet

Trying to find a job online for when I get home

Looking at grad school programs in international
           education and art therapy

Emailing my friends

Journaling and making a bunch of Life Lists including:

            What are my strength/weaknesses?

            What do I mock?

            What do I value?

            What subjects do I want to know more about?

            How can I be a better friend?
                  What do I expect from a friendship?

           

The hardest/best part about all of this is the process of realizing that, in a way, I have been accomplishing quite a lot. I always used to tell myself, “Man ,when I have the time, I’m going to write down what I believe in so that when I’m an old woman I can read it” or “Man, when I have the time, I am going to learn how to make banana bread” or “Man, when I have the time, I’m going to really work on being a better runner.”

Hello lightbulb:

I have the time. Right now. Just because I’m in Africa doesn’t make this time any less suitable to do those things- in fact in this case it is more suitable

Now, to be honest, a part of me still has a problem with this. Part of me is thinking, “Dammit Kaitlin, you didn’t come here to just lay in the sun and lavish in doing whatever you want and put yourself through your own version of therapy!” And that is correct- if I had known a year ago that I would be doing what I have been doing the past month, I probably would have turned up my nose at my future self and been like, “You are being selfish. You are wasting your time.” But that’s precisely it- I am not wasting my time. Things change. Things have changed so much in a year and I would be making myself miserable if I continued to put pressure on myself to “accomplish” something in the old sense of the word just for the sake of my ego and just because I am abroad. Kaitlin of 2009 would not have been able to see this.

A few weeks ago during a wonderful heart-talk, Andrew said, “Kaitlin, you need to do something crazy. You need to challenge yourself in a major way or you are going to be miserable.” That’s when I realized that, personally, the most challenging thing I could do here is to slow down and quit this silly competition with myself and take that time to write those lists, take that time to make that bread, take that time to learn life lessons and life skills! That is what is most important right now, not teaching gymnastics somewhere random so that, on paper, I would appear that made the “most” of my time.

       To wrap up; I don’t care about what my CV says. I don’t care about what people might think when I honestly tell them what I “did” here when I get home. What I care about is that I have been given a wonderful opportunity here and, in my own way, I am learning how to take full advantage of it.

Time has made the most of me. 

long overdue!

...a lot of you are probably aware of the following sites- but for those who aren't check them out!:

Grace's blog:

www.birthinmalawi.blogspot.com

Andrew Finn's blog:

www.fulbright.mtvu.com

....Andrew Finn just put up a much more in-depth blog about Amayi Mara, which it totally worth reading.
Enjoy!

album teaser

Amayi Mara 

(Mother Mara)

By far the coolest, most bad-ass woman I've met in Malawi. Also- our last interviewee!!! With her, we have all 10 people that we want for the album. We have decided to put her song last on the album to go out with a bang. Just a few things you should know about Mara:

She is gracious, highly intelligent, patient, and speaks better English than I do

She faced unbelievable stigma in her community when people found out she was HIV+

BUT NOW she is a chief of her village (apparently unheard of in Chewa culture)

She runs 2 NGOs and is a spokesperson for the National AIDS Commission

She is a self-proclaimed fighter, activist, and "loud-mouth" 

Her birthday is Monday, the 26th. Send her a birthday blessing. She deserves it.

.....and that aint even the tip of the iceberg. This woman has accomplished so much. Her interview was only 45 minutes long, but it we learned so much about her and her life and what she has been through. Which is A LOT.  Truly inspiring. Thus, it is no surprise that it took Andrew Finn and Peter no time to compose her song. 

Here is Andrew Finn letting her listen to a sneak peek:

She said she really loved it!! She is definitely going to be present at the studio her song is recorded. 

.....and my friends, this is only 1 out of the 10 amazing people who are on this album. GET CRUNK.

malawians yell the darndest things

Andrew Finn, Grace, and I all like to go running. Sometimes, we pass by some people who are truly appreciative of that fact. For instance, the other day Andrew Finn was running and a random man looked at him with great enthusiasm and said,

"Thank you!! You are the best runner!!"

At the house Andrew Finn and I lived in back in January, our night guard (who was approximately 9000 years old but really sweet) would always crack up when he saw me head out the driveway in my running gear and say:

"You are going for jumping!! You are going for jumping!!"

To which I would respond:

"Yes, I am going to jump around the neighborhood!"

His ancient, tree-like face would just melt into the cutest old man smile. Whenever I would come home all sweaty, he would crack up all over again and say:

"I am so sorry madam!!! I am so sorry!!!" 

What a cutie. Anyway, this morning, on my usual run on the golf course that is right by our house I get:

"Nice nice lady!!"

and the other day on a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood arm and arm with Andrew Finn:

"It's fine, it's nice. It's fine."

Both comments were surprisingly not creepy at all- just random people being nice. However, sometimes, Malawian men decide to try their luck at romance in their own unique way. For instance, while on her way to work one day, Grace had some man run up to her and say:

"WOULD YOU PLEASE CONSIDER BEING MY WIFE?!"

My favorite example of this happened to one of Grace's co-workers, Kristin. She was walking home one day and a man came running up to her out of nowhere with his arms outstretched and yelled:

"I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!"

Sometimes, men yell some not-so-cute things that are creepy/annoying. Lots of times, Grace and I get:

"Heyyyyy mommy......... heyyyyy sistah...........heyyyyyy fren.........."

To which we have written a little diddy in response called:

"NOT YO MAMA NOT YO SISTER NOT YO FRIEND"

It's my favorite song at the moment. 

These are just some little gems that I felt like sharing. More to come

Lessons from Grace: Part 2

 1) Potatoes are not very social tubers. They have a longer life if they are separate from other foods and away from humidity. So we keep ours in a completely separate room from the kitchen. They just need some personal space, yall.

2) In midwifery terms, a grand mulitgravada is a woman who has had 5 or more kids

3) Tryin to cook up some onions? Why not use honey instead of a lot of oil- caramelized goodness!!

4) In Malawi, episiotomies (defined as: incision sometimes made to enlarge the vaginal opening in the late stages of labor to prevent tearing and facilitate birth) used to be done cutting straight down the perineum, which can lead to many more complications. Now, they are done diagonally which reduces tearing even more, thus reducing the chance of a fistula. Diagonal!

5) When making apple pie, you gotta mix ice water into the crust to make it flaky-  it keeps the butter from melting.

6) Apologizing really works. Try it.

7) The woman’s fundus shrinks to the size of a grapefruit or orange immediately after delivery and should be hard like a rock.

8) Scones are just biscuits with more sugar in them.

9) P.P.H. is a common acronym in the delivery room that stands for post partum hemorrhage. This occurs when the uterus fails to contract after the delivery of the placenta and shut off the tiny blood vessels in the uterus, causing the blood flows freely. These happen a lot here in Malawi for a number of reasons, and grand multigravadas are at higher risk for them over primagravadas, or first time mothers.

10) Communication. Matters. More. Than. Anything. 

Update

 So, its been a bit since I’ve done just a general update. Some of you know that at the end of every month, I think of 1 word that sums up that month and write it down. Well, my word for June was rollercoaster.

    A few posts pack I did a photo update and was so excited to share pictures of “our new house!!!” Well, at the beginning of June, it was totally a dream. The house is in a very nice and safe neighborhood. We had great guards and great dogs AND a kick-ass kitchen to boot. Errybody happy. Well, about halfway through the month, we noticed a little problem aka a big problem- water leaking from the ceiling. Like, waterfall style. “What the hell, dream house?” We thought. Called our landlady to have it fixed. Noticed another little problem (AKA HUGE PROBLEM)- our land lady was crazy. Like, legitimately. Remember Ursula from The Little Mermaid? Well, not only did this lady look uncannily like her, she also has about 20 tentacles extending from her mind and aura that consist solely of pure evil. I consider her the Ethiopian version of Ursula. She blamed us for the water problem, (umm, excuse me Ursula, but if I had the power to make waterfalls I would not be in Malawi right now, just sayin) called us dirty backpackers, and was extremely disrespectful to (AKA extremely racist toward) our Malawian housemate, Jess. Thus, among other reasons, we decided it would be best to move. I was pretty disappointed about it, as I had finally started to feel at home somewhere in Malawi, but, I got over it and knew that within 2 weeks we had to find a new place. No problem, right?

WRONG. It became an absolute nightmare. We all wanted to stick together, so we found a place close by that was really affordable (AKA cheap) but also really unkempt (AKA a dump). I agreed to stay there, but only if the owners agreed to clean it, fix a broken window, and put razor wire along the perimeter of the fence (pretty much what every secure house has in Lilongwe). Everyone else agreed these things should be done. Anyway, we were set to live in this place.

June 28^th rolls around. Jess comes home with the news at 6:00 PM (an hour after our power was turned off for the month, though there were still 2 days left in the month…. so we were just chillin in the dark) that the landlord of the place we were going to move into was also really sketchy and had not done any of the work he promised and had been purposefully ignoring her. So, we scrapped that idea. Ok, 2 days to find a house. A rush, but we can do it, right?

Well. Went to go look at 1 place in the same neighborhood. Same issue with the fence, except this fence was even less secure. I know this may sound crazy to some of you North Carolina folk and I personally HATE the feeling of being all fenced in with sharp razor wire around the perimeter like a prison or something, but it is standard for a house in Lilongwe (a house full of ex-pats, at least).

Anyways. Wake up on June 30^th and the first thing sweet Andrew Finn rolls over and says is, “Kaitlin- tomorrow we are homeless.” What a great way to start the day, eh? Panic mode hits. All of our stuff is packed, but where are we going to put it? Get a call from Grace, who is already at work, saying, “IVE FOUND THE PERFECT PLACE!!!!!” One of her co-workers is friends with this doctor from Norway who is out of the country until mid August. The offer we get: house sit for this family in their fully-furnished home which is closer to downtown (good for Grace- she can now walk to work, and good for us- use much less fuel), already has guards, good fence with razor wire, and not pay rent. Woah Woah Woah. Is this for real? Turns out yes. However- there is one pitfall- only Grace, Andrew Finn, and I could stay, meaning our group of 5 would have to split. Jess and Jon both have temporary places but nothing permanent. Also, we couldn’t go and see the place because it was being fumigated and had to wait 2 days.

We luckily found a place to stay Thursday and Friday nights- at the place Jon used to live before he lived with us. So, wake up on Thursday morning, July 1st, and start moving out. We thought we had all day to move so Finn and I were gone for a while and Grace stayed at home because she had come down with a fever that morning (not malaria, don’t worry. We got her tested for that, it was just a random illness). Well well well look who shows up in the morning full of her evil octopus fury- Crazy Ursula LandLady. She straight up yelled at poor Grace, demanding we be out immediately and calling us pigs and saying that letting us live in the house was the worst decision of her life and yadda yadda yadda. What a sweet lady JUST KIDDING WHAT AN AWFUL LADY. Also, it should be noted that that place was almost completely empty at that point and spotless by the afternoon. So, it took quite a while, but we managed to get everything out, including the dogs, who we temporarily dumped at our friend Amanda’s house. That night and the next we put our (borrowed) mattresses on the floor at Jon’s old house, which was not bad at all and so nice of the people who actually lived there to let us do.

Saturday rolls around- moving day!! Grace’s midwife friends come help us transport all of our stuff across town to our brand-new neighborhood. We realize that we can’t bring the dogs and that we are going to have to find a new home for them; which is the BIGGEST BUMMER OF ALL. I can’t really describe how much I love Bella and Jack. I got way attached in 1 month. And I feel like the worst dog-mom ever, but it’s just what we are going to have to do. In the end it is about what is best for them. Also, we can’t bring our guards that we grew to trust so much, because this new house already has guards (that we have to build trust with starting from scratch….) Bummer. We have agreed to pay our old guards their full salary for July, even though they will not be working for us at all, as we search for new people to employ them. They were really excellent. Crazy times.

So, in the new house. It’s great. Spend the first night trying to organize, putting furniture back in place after the fumigation, putting sheets on the bed, etc. Didn’t think anything of putting the pillowcases that were in a bag that the owners left on the pillows. Well, Andrew Finn wakes up at 4:30 AM almost screaming in pain, saying his face is burning. What the hell, you say? Yeah, that’s what I said too. We think that the owners might have sprayed permethrin or something on the pillowcases. It was either the chemicals from the fumigation or chemicals from something else like permethrin, but the entire next day Andrew was in agony, rinsing his face with cold water every 5 minutes. We tried everything- taking Benadryl, taking Advil, aloe vera, using a potato poltice to draw out the chemicals (you put that idea in my head, Mom!), drinking tons of water and then running to sweat it out- nothing worked. By the evening it was slowly starting to get better but it was still absolutely awful. The funniest thing- there were no visible signs. He looked completely normal. Even with his all his freckles.

So yes……. It has been an adventurous time. Good things that have happened- a July 4^th party at the Ambassador’s house where I ate SO MUCH FOOD that I had a stomach ache for the next 5 hours but it was totally worth it. I’m talking burgers, hot dogs, beans, chips, fake-ass American cheese in the plastic wrap (God yes) and BROWNIES BROWNIES BROWNIES. It was great. In addition, the Carrboro presence and general feeling of American patriotism is stronger than ever with the arrival of Tony Peele. Tony got a grant to study economics and avocados in Tanzania but has taken some time to come see us. Which we are all so so happy about!!

 Also- the album is coming along quite well. I hardly ever write about the album! The whole reason I am here! Anyway, band rehearsals have started and every musician is top-notch. As of now 7 out of the 10 songs have been composed, lyrics in the works for all of them. We start recording August 2!

          So, that’s what life has been like in Lilongwe recently. Still learning so much from everyone around me, esp. Grace (more lessons from her later). Looking forward to the rest of July. Happy 4^th to everyone- I sure wish I could be watching some fireworks and eating some watermelon. Next year….. J